


Heavy

by Icedaddys_icebaby



Series: The Angstsy Icebaby Chronicles [1]
Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Abusive Relationships, Character Death, Hurt, I don't condone any of this, I'll go away now, I'm sorry?, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Not Fluff, Triggers, killing stalking ish
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-16
Updated: 2017-04-16
Packaged: 2018-10-19 11:18:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,021
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10638756
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Icedaddys_icebaby/pseuds/Icedaddys_icebaby
Summary: "Till death do you part, even then, may you reunite in the afterlife."





	

**Author's Note:**

> I DO NOT CONDONE ANY OF THESE ACTIONS, I DO NOT CONDONE ROMANTICIZING MENTAL ILLNESS, I DO NOT CONDONE ABUSE KAY???
> 
> Trigger warnings!!!!! Suicide, death, abuse, Stockholms. TRIGGER WARNINGS
> 
> Song fic: https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=V_eOmvM-4zc

_"I was a heavy heart to carry_

_My beloved was weighed down_

_My arms around his neck_

_My fingers laced to crown"_

 

Mari stares skeptically at her younger brother. He said it was nothing, he was always so clumsy even when he was young. This was no different. And yet the purpling bruise on his cheek didn't say, _'I just fell,'_ rather it screamed, _'he said this was the last time.'_ Mari only showed concern when she asked, she didn't expect a violent outburst, Yuuri had always been so docile.  
"Move back home." Was her curt demand.  
Yuuri laughs nervously before shrugging it off and kissing her cheek. "I have to go. He's waiting at the airport for me."  
"Yuuri-" Yuuri just smiles as he always did when times were hard, a lone tear, however, fell from his good eye.  
"I love you."

 

_"I was a heavy heart to carry_

_My feet dragged across the ground_

_And he took me to the river_

_Where he slowly let me drown."_

 

Yuuri sat in a trashed living room, attempting to pull glass from his right heel. Viktor had left hours ago, yet Yuuri couldn't find his motivation to leave that spot. As if, when he did, his husband would ambush him again, forcing his submission. The scent of bourbon rose high into the air, remanence of the explosive personality that was Viktor Nikiforov. Yuuri wasn't even sure what set him off this time. Not that Viktor ever needed a reason, the alcohol in his system was enough.  
A loud click of the front door sparked the young Asian man to life. He needed to clean, clean, clean before any blood could stain the carpet. He ignored sharp pains as he rushed to grab the bleach and a vacuum.  
"What are you doing?" Viktor's sad voice reached his ears before he could plug in the machine.  
"I..." What **was** he doing? He should have left when he had the chance. That voice sent paralyzing fear into his spine.  
"Allow me." Viktor glided by his beloved, taking the vacuum and cleaning after himself. After he did, he sat Yuuri down and cleaned his wound thoroughly, wrapping a white bandage around his ankle. Yuuri froze once more when Viktor kissed it.  
"I'm sorry, Солнечный свет. I am so sorry." Viktor put his blond head in Yuuri's lap, sobbing inconsolably. Yuuri just laced shaking fingers through silk strands. "Please, please, _please_ , don't leave me."  
And Yuuri wouldn't. He couldn't. This man needed him. Needed him more than he needed his life.

 

_"My love has concrete feet_

_My love's an iron ball_

_Wrapped around your ankles_

_Over the waterfall."_

 

He swore. He swore that was the last time. He would never do it again.  
_"If you want to leave. Leave."_  
He watched the birds flew freely from branch to branch, singing sweetly out the hospital room window.  
_"But you won't. You won't leave. I would never let you."_  
He told the police that an intruder had broken in. He panicked. He thought that the criminal was Viktor. He hadn't a clue who he shot was in fact his husband.  
_"I will find you. Wherever you go. You'll never leave me. I'll find you."_  
It was convincing. The wounds on his person made the story plausible. He was attacked, battered, driven to the bedroom. He spun that Viktor had burst through the bedroom door after the attack, surprising Yuuri enough to pull the trigger. Right between the eyes.  
_"Where you going,_ Солнечный свет _?"_

 

_"Who is the betrayer?_

_Who's the killer in the crowd?_

_The one who creeps in corridors_

_And doesn't make a sound."_

 

To keep up appearances, Yuuri attended the funeral sobbing the hardest. He was burying 'the love of his life' so it was assumed he'd be saddest. The case had been closed weeks ago, Yuuri going through great lengths to make sure it would be ruled self defense or accidental. Breaking a window, destroying the house, hiding things of value, letting Viktor beat him senseless. The jury ruled in his favor.

 

_"I'm so heavy, heavy_

_Heavy in your arms_

_I'm so heavy, heavy_

_Heavy in your arms"_

 

The whiskey bottle lay pouring over the kitchen tile. Yuuri sits next to it, muttering curses, crying, shaking. What has he done?  
_"Gotten away with murder"_ a voice mutters, a faint whisper of his subconscious.  _"You killed me."_  
"You would have killed me first." He laughs bitterly. That sickeningly kind voice was not his conscience.  
_"You're probably right."_ He was right. He would be dead if he had not defended himself. Four years was enough. And yet... Yuuri wished to feel Viktor's soft touch once more.  
_"Well you could."_  
He could. Glancing at the gun in his left hand, Yuuri giggles. Alcohol can make anything funny.  
"Will it be different this time, Vitya?"  
_"Find out,_ Солнечный свет _."_  
Find out? Find out. He should find out. Images of their honeymoon raced. The way Viktor softly kissed him before laying him down on a bed of rose petals. Milky fingers traced every inch of exposed skin. Soft pants, heavy whines, deeps groans all into the moonlight. The way Viktor said his name had Yuuri craving for his presence. Maybe if he just.

 

_"This will be my last confession_

_'I love you' never felt like any blessing_

_Whispering like it's a secret_

_Only to condemn the one who hears it_

_With a heavy heart."_

 

"We are gathered here to remember the life and legacy of Yuuri Katsuki-Nikiforov. Gone too soon."

 

_"I was a heavy heart to carry_

_But he never let me down_

_When he had me in his arms_

_My feet never touched the ground."_

 

Yuuri lied sleeping next to his husband once more, curled like a cat against him in bed. A year has past. A beautiful, sweet year and he had never been happier. He knew why. In death... everything is perfect.  
"I love you, Солнечный свет." The imaginary Viktor whispers.

 

_"I'm so heavy, heavy in your arms_

_Heavy, I'm so heavy in your arms."_

 

"Till death do you apart. And even then, may you reunite in the afterlife."

 

**Author's Note:**

> Ima roll away
> 
> Солнечный свет- my sunshine


End file.
